Recognizing Relationship Red & Green Flags

Whether you’re having this conversation with friends, family, or joining in on the social media trends, the talk of red flags in relationships is a hot topic of convo. Red flags are negative actions, personality traits, and behaviors our partner can express that should be our warning sign that this might not be the best thing to get into or stay in. But, why don’t we also talk about green flags in relationships? The signs we should be looking for in a healthy and positive relationship. Recognizing green flags is just as important as recognizing red flags when we’re in the early, getting-to-know each other phase in the relationship and can save us from so much heartbreak and stress.

Think of it like this, when you think of the color red, and comparing that with emotions, what feelings come up? Usually it would be feelings of anger, hate, envy, all negative emotions. Then, when we compare physical things, we can think of a stop sign (emphasis on the STOP), or a red light meaning “do not continue”. Then on the other side, when you think of the color green, feelings of being grounded, living in nature, and peace come up. And when we think of physical things, a green light means go, enter, continue, all things enticing you to move forward. 

Activity:

1. Take a pen and paper and create two separate columns. Label one column red flags and the other column green flags. Write down three for each list. Note: how long it takes you to come up with each (because green flags are not something talked about a lot in society, you might notice it’s harder to fill this column).

Most Common Red Flags in Relationships:

1. Problems in Communication

2. Unhealthy Boundaries

3. Mental Health Problems (ie; gaslighting, manipulation, verbal/physical abuse)

4. Pressure on the Relationship (overshares personal details quickly)

5. Problems are spewing into other relationships

Most Common Green Flags in Relationships:

1. Open Communication (ie; discussing love languages)

2. Setting Healthy Boundaries (self-care, self-respect)

3. You genuinely feel good

4. Their words match their actions

5. They encourage healthy relationships with others

A lot of times “post-breakup” from a toxic relationship, we can find ourselves asking questions of self-doubt like “Did I miss something?”, or “Is it me?” and when we’re honest and loyal people, we tend to overlook these red flags because we are optimistic that things can change in the future. This can go on for months or years even. And when we choose to ignore or question the green flags that are coming up in our relationships, this can lead to self-sabotage, “This is too good to be true”. 

The greatest advice you can listen to (and something that I always tell myself and still have trouble doing) is to listen to your gut and your intuition because it’s almost never wrong. You’ll get those feelings of concern when a red flag is present and it’s up to you to act on it. And when we end something good that’s just beginning because of trauma from our past relationships or thinking of getting hurt in the future, you are self sabotaging! Live in the now and be present with what’s going on.

Listen to the featured podcast episode with mental health counselor, Paulina Minucci, live now on all streaming platforms!